This is what burnout looks like

You know in my last post where I said Id be back well um no instead I carried on carrying on and doing everything until whilst finishing and arguing about a jigsaw ( yep a jigsaw ffs) with J, I brokedown. 

I'd been carrying on doing and being pressurised with no senior management support since B and M left and I had hit rock bottom. It was affecting my home, my relationship and my health and only now 5 days after seeing the doctor and getting medication and support, I can see it

Everyone else saw it coming, I've had loads of message of support from colleagues and friends telling me it had been a long time coming and  you cant pour from an empty cup, messages full of well wishes and support. I still have a tinge of guilt for not being there and for letting everyone else take it on but I've had to stamp on those feelings really hard.

So now here I am with you all ( well there might not be anyone here but you never know) and am off for some self care with a massage.  Something I dont normally do but something I now realise I have to do TO KEEP ME GOING. Yes caps and all because I am learning.

This is all a very big learning curve, I've always been that person who takes it all on their shoulders be it at home or in work and resting is not easy. I have only in the last few days be able to concentrate on anything for longer than 5 secs but as my kids tell me that was due to the medication rewiring my brain and boy has that been awful. My anxiety went off the scale and I had an issue with the supermarket. So J, the star went with me to keep me from having another meltdown.

Its hard learning not to do, learning to rest. But I must get better

Love 

Ffi