Ostrich time

 

I'm all for hiding my head in the sand and do it a lot. I mean its not healthy and not adult like at all so I'm slowly putting small steps in place to get better and not ignoring things.

First step in not hiding is facing your fears.  My current fear is the dentist.  I am getting anxious thinking about it. But my teeth are awful. Years of smoking and not brushing my teeth have taken their toll. So today I took a step and I found the best dentist in the area and I've now completed their registration form. 

 

I'm trying to work out how I feel about this - currently I feel like I could vomit if anyone dared look in my mouth. I'm not feeling fearless at all and if it wasnt for my boyfriends words several months ago I would probably still be hiding away from it all. I should have done something then but fear paralysed me and I didnt.

The funny thing is that growing up, my career choice was to be a dentist. I never feared them and did a work experience out our local NHS dentist. Whilst away at university that dentist retired and was replaced by a dentist that saw patients quickly in 10 mins - no caring chats, no time to laugh just in and out like a conveyor belt. I had my that point also started to smoke and that probably didnt help any of my oral hygiene. Couple that with the time when I drank and smoked instead of eating or teeth brushing for a few months and then lockdown when I vaped and then smoked I dont think they've had the best time of things.

I'm hoping that I'll be able to document my journey and that writing it here will help but after sharing this fear with J he also suggests little rewards. That might work but who knows.